Below are the 13 most recent journal entries recorded in Megan's LiveJournal:

Saturday, April 19th, 2008
10:49 am	Sticking it to the man I have been receiving an inordinate amount of junk mail lately. I have decided that instead of getting frustrated with this, I will "stick it to the man". Almost every bull shit junk mail offer comes with a self addressed stamped envelope ready for you to mail back their form that says "yes! sign me up for whatever bull shit credit card you have!". Well, instead of mailing back that form, I have decided I just stick some random other junk mail in the envelop and mail that to them. If I have to deal with their shit, why not mail some of it back for them to deal with? Besides, this results in them paying for postage to my house and back. Also, this helps the USPS. They have been suffering some financial difficulties as less and less people mail things and more and more are sending letters, reports, etc electronically. So, don't throw out your junk mail. Instead mail it back to them. This way you stick it to the man and help your country. It is the patriotic thing to do. (Comment on this)
Thursday, April 17th, 2008
8:18 pm	Community I have been thinking a lot about developing and fostering community. In traveling in Mexico and Guatemala, I got such a stronger sense of community. In addition to this, everyone seemed more content. I instantly felt isolated when I returned to the states. Even though I could understand what everyone was saying again, I still felt less connected to everyone. We are becoming increasingly individualistic in our "modern" society. Which isolates us. Which, I think, results in higher rates of anxiety and depression. Research has found that more collectivistic societies have lower rates of depression and anxiety. The more collectivistic, the less depression/anxiety. The more individualist, the more depression/anxiety. And I think the US may be one of the most individualistic societies in the world. And, lo and behold, we have the highest rates of depression and anxiety. Stupid, stupid Americans. We think the American dream is to have our own car, and our own house, with a fence up, so that we can't see others and they can't see us when we are out of our house. And we drive everywhere, so we don't have to interact with others to get from one place to another. In fact, we can do a self check out at the grocery store and not even talk to someone! I think the American dream is killing us. We need communities. But you know what they say: "correlation doesn't mean causation" So who the fuck knows? (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, April 4th, 2008
6:28 pm	Confessions…. of an unlikely sort I played basketball and softball in 9th grade because I thought it would look good on college and scholarship applications. I really sucked at both of them. I ate my boogers when I was a kid. I sometimes fake it. I get an urge when I am walking by myself to meow at neighborhood cats. I usually satisfy that urge and I get a deep sense of satisfaction when the cat meows back. In 5th grade I once threatened a 3rd grader. I felt powerful and I felt guilty that it felt so good. Sometimes I will spend an entire day in my bed. Just because I can and I want to. I once tried singing in the shower and did not enjoy it even though I really wanted to. I used to talk positively to my plants in the hopes that it would stimulate healthy growth. They all died. I don’t like the taste of coffee but I drink it to look cool. I have an irrational fear of sharks getting me while I am in a swimming pool. (Comment on this)
Wednesday, March 26th, 2008
10:21 pm	Online grocery shopping I have been quite ill with a cold and then a flu for over a week and found myself completely out of food and no energy to go to the grocery store. On a whim, I decided to see if my local grocery store did deliveries. Oh Lord, do they ever. There is a whole world of online grocery shopping I had no idea existed! I can now grocery shop the same way I do my internet searching! No need to wander around looking for where the hell "Spray and Wash Stain Stick" is located. Just search, click, add to cart and I am done. There is no longer any need to ask an employee any questions, exchange formalities with the check out clerk, or strike up small talk with those in line. I never need to go grocery shopping again. Just give me the muumuu now. I think I have found my hermit destiny! (Comment on this)
Saturday, March 8th, 2008
11:12 pm	Children I wrote my thoughts down after spending Christmas at home, and feel inclined to share them with a wider audience: I just returned from 7 straight days of being around my three nephews (ages 5 and under) and after diligent research and consultation with experts in the field, I have come to several conclusions about these specimen known as children: 1) They are loud and noisy 2) They hit their heads on anything and everything 3) They lack coordination 4) They would sell their right arm for candy It appears that this specimen must always be making some kind of noise: talking, whining, crying, humming, screaming, whimpering, yelling, etc. Experts in this area of study have concluded that children have a genetic alteration that connects breathing to noise. They must be making some kind of noise to be able to breath. If they stopped making noise, they would perish. Noise is a critical component to survival. It is also commonly understood that their hearing is not fully developed yet, and this is why they must scream all their words at all times. They would not be able to hear themselves if they simply asked for a cookie, they must scream “I WANT A COOKIE” to ensure that their message was heard correctly by themselves and their recipient. Their oversized heads may make them look cute, but they are a blessing and a curse to this specimen. Just as blind men use their cane to understand their world, children use their head. But unlike a cane, their heads experience pain and discomfort with every exploration. Although it is painful, it appears to be a necessary part of their existence: “I wonder if I can clear that low counter top. Hmmm…. appears not. I should probably start screaming to alert everyone of my discovery.” “If I spin around with my head leaning out, will I hit anything? Hmmm… looks like I did. I will alert the forces with my screaming and then try this experiment again in 10 minutes.” “This block is quite interesting, I think I shall throw it at my playmate’s head so he can check it out too.” And the falling! The falling is quite amazing, really. I don’t know how children aren’t covered in bruises with their constant falling. I know that if I fell down the stairs, slipped on the hardwood floors, and crashed while taking a turn too sharply while running all in one day, I would not be up for playing with Legos that evening. But these small wonders keep on truckin’ Sugar is also a huge motivator for these specimen. Their lives, their thoughts, their words, and their actions revolve around getting and eating products with sugar in them. Like locust, they scour any area they are in to find anything with sugar in it or anything that looks as if it would have sugar in it. Their vision has adapted to this trait, and they can spot candy in a crowded room faster that any other species known on earth. Children also seem to develop their skills in speech through their attempts in acquiring candy. They will stop at nothing to get it. They will scream, they will cry, they will argue, they will barter, and they will lie to get access to sweets. Like cows, this specimen has more than one stomach. One is used for real food and the other for sweets. They are not the same size, though. The stomach for real food is very small and children will fill this stomach after eating 2 to 5 bites of any real food. The stomach for sweets, on the other hand, takes up approximately 1/3 of their body. Children can intake massive amounts of sweets because of this second stomach. Whereas adults can only consume sweets that amount to .1% of their body mass, children can intake 23.7% of their body mass in sweets. My week long observation of this specimen and the results of this study has helped me understand that children are truly amazing. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, March 3rd, 2008
10:22 pm	Ode to my Car My car tests my atheism. I was a hard core atheist before I met my car. I strongly and firmly believed that all things supernatural were on par with the flying spaghetti monster.... until I met my car. I have now had to reevaluate my entire belief system. I have had to really wonder and contemplate..... are there such things as curses? Is my car cursed? And how do I lift this curse? Scenario: January 2005 - acquire car October 2005 - give a ride to a schizophrenic homeless lady who believes she talks with God. Gets upset with me when I decline her offer to let her sleep in my car. Consequently she curses me, my car, and that little dog of mine. November 2005 - transmission goes out November 2005 - two days after the car is out of the shop, the alternator goes out January 2006 - car is broken into, radio stolen February 2006 - drunk uninsured motorcyclist hits my parked car February 2006 - car is broken into again. Thieves break another window (I hadn't replaced the first broken window), discover the radio has already been stolen, steal my emergency snack crackers instead June 2006 - someone hits my parked car, leaves a note on windshield with a bogus number September 2006 - entire car is stolen November 2006 - car is found, now starts with a screwdriver This is just a sample of a couple years of my car's life. There is more.... oh so much more... Can all this just be coincidence, or is there really a curse? If I am willing to believe that my car is cursed, does that mean I can no longer be an atheist, or do they make special exceptions for maintaining a few supernatural beliefs? (Comment on this)
Saturday, March 1st, 2008
4:05 pm	The Deep Reasons for "No" As of late, I have dated a lot.  These men largely become faceless creatures of my past a month after a break up.  Nonetheless, there is always at least a small bit of emotional pain with each loss.  A coping technique that I have developed to expedite my “moving on” process has been to write a list of all the reasons I don’t want to be/shouldn't be with this person.  I read over the list several times for a week or so until the list is lost and/or they adequately fade from my memory.  I have noticed that the longer I am in the dating scene the quality of men I date seems to correspondingly decrease.  Consequently, my lists seem to become increasingly more shallow.  Here is my latest list: He tucks his t-shirt into his jeans. He shaves his genitals. His work schedule does not work for me. He is loud. He often thinks he is saying something clever when, in fact, it isn’t. He has very toothy kissing techniques. He considered “Dumb and Dumber” to be a great cinematic experience. I just can’t deal with that. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, February 27th, 2008
9:51 pm	The Giant Clock Yesterday a lovely thing happened: I found a giant clock. I was driving home and talking on the cell and putting on mascara when out of the corner of my eye I saw it... The round giant clock stood 6 feet tall, 6 inches deep and was leaning against a dumpster.  Its Roman numerals gleamed in my headlights, just asking to be taken. "I found a giant clock, I have to go" I shouted into my phone while tossing my mascara aside. It seemed too good to be true: a beautiful round clock abandoned 6 houses down from where I live! I would later learn that the owners of that had rented the dumpster for their house renovations had no idea where the giant clock had come from or who put it next to their dumpster.  It was like it was destined to become part of my life. Wasting no time after my first sighting, I parked my car and ran to my treasure.  With careful examination I decided that rolling the clock to my house would not damage it and be an efficient way to stake my claim before anyone else spotted this incredible find. Looking around and seeing no cars and no one out, I decided that I could be fairly discreet rolling my clock home.  With my bright red stocking and short black skirt on, I started my journey. Apparently in my non clock rolling strolls I have taken in the past, I did not pay particular attention to the volume of traffic on my street.  If I had, I may have been better prepared for how much clock vs car negotiating I would doing.  Living in a residential neighborhood with under a dozen houses on my block, I was surprised to discover that I would encounter 11 cars and 3 cyclist on my 15 minute trek.  Each time I would have to steady my clock and endure a variety of stares, pictures, and bad puns shot in my direction. The clock turned out to be quite cumbersome and I was constantly afraid that I would lose my grip and crash into a car.  It didn't help that I constantly giggled when I imagined how one would report the incident to their insurance company: "Well, I was driving on 21st when a clock ran into me and crushed the front driver's side of my car." "A clock?" "Yes, a giant round clock" "And this was on the street?" "Yes" "And why was there a giant clock on the street?" "This is Portland" "Oh, yes of course.  Please continue." As soon as I stationed my clock in the back yard I called my friend to tell her the great news!  My arms were still quivering from the exertion of my journey when my friend, June, burst my bubble: "You won't believe what I found?!"  I almost screamed in the phone due to my excitement. "A giant round clock?" She answered flatly. "Er... well... yes...  How did you know about the clock?" "Oh, I saw that earlier today" I was confused and had so many questions: did she want the clock for herself?  why didn't she tell me about the clock?  why does she not seem thrilled about this find? "And you didn't tell me about this earlier!" I asked flabbergasted with what was unfolding. "No.  Something inside me told me I shouldn't let you know about this." I realized June did not want the clock; in fact, she didn't even want me to have the clock!  Somehow she did not see the insane beauty of this find.  Now that I had a giant clock in my life, I really couldn't imagine life without it.  My life was now complete.  I don't know how I ever lived a giant clock free life before?  I had no idea I was missing out on so much until this night.  How could this supposed friend of mine want me to go back to such an unfulfilled life?  It just didn't seem right, so I began calling other friends in search of confirmation.  Instead I received questions and concerns: Why did you get it?  Where are you going to put it?  What is the point?  What are you going to do with it? Had the world gone mad?  A better question would be "What am I NOT going to do with a giant clock?" I realized I was going to have to accept the fact that others may not be able to accept my new life partner.  Despite others pessimism, I continue to love and marvel my giant clock.  I like to contemplate its life, its history, its journey.  It is an endless enigma for me. Plus it looks fucking cool. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Sunday, February 24th, 2008
8:12 pm	Probability At the outset of date 2, the probability that I would have sex with my Dutch date was 92%. The first date had been fun, his stats were good (educated, smart, funny, liberal, emotionally stable, had all fingers and toes), and date 1 had ended with a fabulous make out session. Thus, the probability was 92% I arrived via bike to our designated tea shop. He was enthused about playing the board game I had brought. Probability: 98% As the game progressed, I realized that date 1 had consisted of little talking and perhaps aided to how great it had been. Date 2 was proving to be more boring as the conversation was somewhat dull and strained. Probability: 74% He was a good game player, though. Probability: 79% After royally kicking his ass in the game, we moved onto to destination two (12 blocks away). He seemed very put off with my suggestion that we walk there. Probability: 68% Conversation on the walk continued to be dull and while waiting for a light to change he ended an awkward conversation with a kiss. I am not opposed to PDA, per say, but it seemed a bit odd at an intersection. Not to mention that we had stopped for tacos on our way and I was not too happy about taco breath kissing. Probability: 59% He was a good kisser, though. Probability: 60% We arrived at the community soaking pool and his interest in PDA continued with his taco tongue tango. Probability: 46% He was a good kisser, though. Probability: 49% Conversation continued to be relatively uninteresting. The only highlight was when he accused me of making up the word domineering. OK, Dutch boy, whose first language is English? Oh yeah, that is me. You can dictionary.com that shit! Probability: 31% On the trek back there was little conversation. At one point, though, he did compliment me on how great I looked in a swim suit. Probability: 32% He then followed up this statement with the suggestion that I shave my legs. Probability: 3% Seeing that the probability of me having sex with this man dropped to such an insignificant level, I no longer felt inclined to remain pleasant and feign interest in him. I considered all of the ways I could verbally castrate him in response to his comment. I ultimately decided that any clever response I came up with would likely be lost in translation, so I settled for a snide “Well, that isn’t anything that is going to change, so it is good you know that now”. We still had 7 more blocks to go. Conversation was at an utter standstill. Probability: -5% We closed with a proverbial “have a great weekend” and I rode off into the sunset with the bitter sweet after taste of Dutch tacos still on my lips. (Comment on this)
8:08 pm	This is a blog I was reminded by a friend that I had an account here.  I am going to start actually posting.... as can be easily witnessed, I have not done much here in the last.... um...... 5 years.  A lot has happened in the last 5 years.  It isn't all that exciting, though; so I will just start from here. I will be simply posting stuff that floats around in my head, now spilled onto the world wide web.  It will probably be largely humorous anecdotes.  Errrr...  because I like them? (Comment on this)
Saturday, May 24th, 2003
10:08 pm	Grandma I am visiting my family right now. My grandma is here too. I haven't seen her in a few years. She doesn't seem much different. I like that she pronounces words such as window and pillow like "winda" and "pilla". And of course all words that end in -ing don't really need that extra 'g'. This is something I too have picked up from my years in Idaho. It will always be runin and swimin to me... I especially like that she pronounces the word potato as if there are no 'o's in the word. "Pa-tay-ta"... patata. I like that sometimes when she answers your questions she gives the most obscure answer. But if you pursue it long enough you can see the cognitive meandering that led to her final response. Example: When did you learn to drive Grandma? That was when i started working. There were these great big bins that needed to be monitored when they were draining to watch for the mud buildup from the apples. I thought you worked at a potato factory? Oh yes I worked at Carnation, that patata factory. So who was monitoring these draining bins? That was Carlos (husband). That was back when he had that cider business. He had to watch those drains and he told me I needed to learn to drive or I would need to start walking to work. Oh, so he couldn't drive you to work because he needed to monitor the cider bins and so that is why you finally learned to drive. yes that is what i said. on and on. I loved it. but in the end I can't help but think i am not really respecting my grandmother. here she is over 50 years my senior and I simply find her "interesting" with all her quirky behaviors... like how she still wears a girdle and shoes with a heel every day. but she is a person, a human being. with all sorts of thoughts and feelings. And i have no idea what those are. I just see her as some sort of funny character, an object that I observe, analyze and comment on. I have lost her as a person with all my observations and analysis over the years. What happened to that womyn that I call my grandmother? who is she? what does she think about? what does she want out of life? (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, May 21st, 2003
11:44 am	The 30 hour work week ok so I guess it worked the first 2 times I tried it out. Whatever. Point is that I am ready to rock and roll with this thing. I am at work right now so I feel like sharing my thoughts about a 40 hour work week. I think that 30 hours a week is full time, anything more is over time. People can't have a life when they spend ALL day at work. People can't get shit done. There isn't enough time at the end of the day (after feeding and bathing oneself... note: you can skip those activities to save on time) to do all that misc. shit. Like running errands, cleaning, finishing projects etc etc. OK there theoretically could be enough time in the day to get all that shit done, but then you have no time to just chill and spend some quality time with yourself and other loved ones. So either you work "full" time and get your shit done, but then become a hermit and social reject, or you attempt to have a life and all that shit builds up and you just appear disorganized and lazy to all your friends and family. So I have decided that the plausible solution for our society is to change the work week to 30 hours. A temporary solution has already been instituted. It does have its appeal, but I think my alternative is better. The current solution is to get a wife. This addition to the household really cuts back on the shit that you have to do. They cook, clean, run your errands, pay your bills, get you organized and other countless jobs. Another great thing about this wife concept is that they often will work in the wage-earning economy. So they can bring in some extra cash flow and still do all that other shit. It is a pretty sweet deal. I must admit, it did have a certian amount of appeal to me. But seeing that I can't legally marry a womyn right now, I have defaulted to plan B. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
11:42 am	hey I'm just testing this thing out right now. I can't remember what password I chose for this site so this may not even get entered. we'll see. (Comment on this)